Pushing the Right Button: How the Friends Around Us Keep Us Moving Up or Let Us Slide Down
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I still remember the moment. I stepped into what looked like an ordinary elevator lobby—shiny doors, soft lighting, numbered buttons glowing. But as I paused, I realised something about that moment applied to my relationships: my friends, the companions I allowed into my life, were like those elevator buttons. Some inevitably seemed to press “up,” raising me toward joy, purpose, and the heart of God. Others, whether intentionally or not, were pressing “down,” dragging me toward discouragement, compromise, or isolation.
As I write this, I want to share with you what I have learned: how to recognise the buttons in your circle, how to lean into the “up” ones, and how to ask God to help you press “up” in other people’s lives too. Because the truth is, the Christian life isn’t meant to be lived in isolation. The Scriptures tell us again and again that friendship, community, and wise company matter deeply.
The Reality of the Buttons: Some Up, Some Down
We all have friends—people we laugh with, share hopes with, go through seasons together. But here’s the thing: not every friend is pressing the “up” button. Some are acting like the “down” button, even if they don’t realise it. Here are two mini-stories from my own journey:
“Down” Button Moment: I once had a friend who carried a heavy load of negativity. Every time we’d meet, the conversation would drift to complaints, comparisons, and frustration. After several months, I noticed that I felt weighed down—not only tired, but lighter in faith, less hopeful. I realised that my friend’s button was keeping us stuck on the ground floor.
“Up” Button Moment: Later, I connected with someone newer in my life: someone who asked about my dreams, urged me to lean into God when I was struggling, and celebrated when I took a step of faith. I left our conversations feeling lighter, braver, more ready to press “up.” I realised: this is what the Bible calls “building one another up.”
The analogy of elevator buttons is simple—but powerful. Imagine standing in front of the control panel of your relational life. Who are you letting press “up”? Who are you letting press “down”? And perhaps more importantly: are you someone who presses the “up” button for someone else?
Biblical Foundation: What Scripture Says About Friends Who Lift Us
The Bible makes it clear: friendship matters. And not just for fun—but for our spiritual growth, our resilience, our walk with Jesus. Let’s look at a few key verses.
“Two are better than one … For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 ESV)
“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV)
“So encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV)
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17 ESV)
These verses show two sides of the elevator button metaphor:
The “up” side: friends who lift, encourage, build up, share burdens, bring hope.
The “down” side: friends who drag us, tempt us, expose us to harmful influences, or leave us alone.
Jesus Himself called His followers friends. He said: “No longer do I call you servants … but I have called you friends, for all that I heard from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15 ESV) If Jesus values friendship, surely we must too—and we must ask whether our friendships reflect the “up” that Jesus models.
Why the “Up” Button Matters for Our Faith Journey
Why should we care so much? Because we’re not just building social circles. We’re building spiritual life. Here’s why pressing “up” matters:
Resilience in trials. When storms hit, you want someone who leans into God with you, or at least with you toward God. When you have someone pressing “up,” you’re lifted; when you don’t, you may fall further.
Growth in Christ-likeness. Friends who encourage you to follow Jesus, to obey, to hope—these friendships become spiritual fuel. Jesus said: “You are my friends if you do what I command you.” (John 15:14)
Avoiding the slippery slide. Wrong company can cause moral compromise or spiritual stagnation. Bad company ruins good morals. (1 Cor 15:33)
A witness to the world. Healthy friendships that point to Christ display the gospel. Someone pressing “up” for you often points you to Christ and helps you reflect Him to others.
How to Identify the Buttons in Your Life
So how do you see which friends are pressing which buttons? Here are some honest questions I asked myself:
After spending time with this person, how do I feel spiritually and emotionally? Uplifted? Drained?
Does this person encourage me toward Jesus, or toward distraction?
Do they help me carry my burdens (Gal 6:2) or do they leave me to carry them alone?
Are we accountable to each other? Does the friendship have depth—or is it mostly surface-level?
Am I someone who lifts them up, too, or am I only being lifted? A one-way “up” button isn’t truly mutual.
As I did this self-audit, I realised I needed to press “up” the button of intention: intentionally seeking friends who were going upward, and gradually stepping away from friends whose overall direction was downwards. That doesn’t always mean ending the relationship (though sometimes it does) — but it does mean I changed how I interacted, where the friendship lived, and what I shared.
Practical Steps to Build “Up”-Button Friendships
Here are some practical ways I started to press “up” in my friendship landscape:
Invite someone into the journey. I asked a friend: “Want to walk through this book/study/verse together?” Asking someone to press “up” with you is the first step.
Practice vulnerability and encouragement. In our conversations I began to ask: “How can I pray for you this week?”
Set boundaries where needed. For friendships that were pressing “down” for me, I started limiting time or shifting topics away from mutual complaint-cycles to hope-cycles.
Be the “up” button for someone else. I began to ask myself: “Am I the kind of friend who lifts others? Or do I default to dragging them down with complaints, cynicism, fear?”
Celebrate growth. I made it a habit to point out when I saw a friend stepping up: “Hey, I saw you lean into God in that situation—well done.”
Anchor everything in Christ. For me, every “up” button moment had this question: “Does this point me—and my friend—toward Jesus?” Because any friendship that lifts but doesn’t point to Christ is only partial.
When You Find the “Down” Button in Yourself
Here’s a confession: I realised sometimes I was the “down” button for someone else. That recognition was humbling. Maybe I carried unresolved bitterness. Maybe I led with complaints instead of hope. Maybe I avoided asking the hard questions because I feared the answers. If you find yourself pressing “down,” remember: grace abounds! The same God who lifts us up lifts us up through Christ. (Ephesians 2:6)
Ask God to change you, to make you a “press-up” agent for others. Then be open: let someone speak truth into your life. Instead of resisting correction, welcome it—because a friend who lifts you up doesn’t let you stay stuck. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” (Proverbs 27:6)
A Hopeful Word for the Lonely or Discouraged
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking: “I don’t have any friends who are pressing ‘up’ for me right now. I feel stuck on the ground floor.” I want to offer hope. God sees you. And He knows you. He is a friend who lifts you up: “I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
Here’s what you can do:
Start small: reach out to one person this week with a kind question or a prayer.
Launch a short-term relationship (study group, service project) and let something grow.
Pray that God will bring into your circle at least one person who walks upward with you.
In the meantime, let you press “up” for others—even if they don’t yet reciprocate. Because when you lift others, you are being lifted too.
Trust that God is working behind the scenes: He often brings the right “up-button” person into your life exactly when you need them.
The Ultimate “Up” Button: Friendship with Jesus
All of this—friends who lift us, friends who weigh us down—points to one ultimate truth: our friendship with Jesus Christ. He is the friend who never fails, the friend who always picks us up when we fall, the friend who presses the “up” button for our souls. “Greater love has no one than this: that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13)
If you ever feel you’re stuck on the ground floor, or riding an elevator going down, remember: Jesus is with you. He is reaching out His hand. Let Him press the “up” button. Let Him surround you with friends who are also rising in Him. Because when the circle of your life is shaped by Him, the buttons become instruments of hope and upward movement.
Recommended Books to Further Study the Subject
Call to Action:
If you’re ready to press the “up” button in your friendships and life, I invite you to do the following now:
Write down 3 names of people in your life. For each person ask: “Does this person lift me toward Christ or pull me away?”
Choose one person who is pressing an “up” button and reach out to them this week with words of thanks, a prayer, or a scripture.
Choose one person who might be pressing the “down” button (including perhaps you) and commit to one change: maybe less time, maybe a new topic of conversation, maybe a new pattern of encouragement.
Ask Jesus to become your friend in a deeper way today. Invite Him to lift you whenever you fall, and help you be a friend who lifts others.
Share this post (or the idea behind it) with one person who needs to hear: “You can press my up-button. Will you let me press yours?”
Let’s not let the elevator of our lives stall on the ground floor—or worse, go downward. Let’s ride upward together, anchored in Christ, surrounded by friends who press “up,” and becoming the kind of friend who lifts others too. Heaven-ward we go.
